Blood Sucking Muppets
Here I sit age 39 and my childhood is penetrating my view box. Kermit and Miss Piggy and all the rest via some commercial or something to that effect. How glorious is the reaction they desperately seek, perhaps not with such desperation as the bank roll keeps 'movin' right along.' Perplexing and not as iconic as the first time around, I should say. The Muppet Show was what I watched I can't recall, was it on Tuesday nights or not, any who, I do recollect being punished one evening and tormented as the intro song taunted me through a crack in my bedroom door. The wooden floors did not reveal any of the familiar faces I so desperately wanted to visit with that evening.
So here they are years later, on commercials in movies, they are famous again and back in action. Strange as that may be, but far worse is that those damn puppets haven't aged a bit, and Miss Piggy's hair looks amazing, what the hell? So I suppose I'm supposed to say, " Oh, I watched The Muppets as a kid, and now my kids are enjoying them too." No, this does not sit well at all, and perhaps, I'm complaining a bit too late about it all, but what a coincidence that The Muppets are back and Kermit would perhaps tell me to "be more tea" or something to that effect, but I still want to scream. The horror, how dare they do whatever it is they do, which I suspect is sit on a shelf collecting dust until some man of a Muppet, or a Muppet of a man, whichever comes along and pretends to be brilliant. Ha!
Here is the point, yes we come to it now. Bring back The Muppets fine, but have them look their age for goodness sake, Kermit should be old and Piggy should look like one of The Golden Girls. Let their kids be the stars of The Muppet Show so many years later. They could even have Kermit die of a heart attack or something that the original viewers may have already done. Oh Kermit, why does thou have immorality?
I will now accuse The Muppets of robbing me of my time to shine with their rehashing of Muppetisms. I would even go as far as saying they are soulless, and if you do not understand why, perhaps I can shed a bit of light in that theater for you as well, sunlight, and there you will see as The Muppets burst into flames that they are indeed ageless and soulless, and blood sucking vampires to boot! Which can be the only explanation to this strange Muppet phenomena. Just ask any of the shows' guest stars, if you can find any alive, to confirm my suspicions.
To recap The Muppet show belongs in my childhood, not currently in my face and The Muppets must be vampires, else how could they be in my face!